Chapter 1: Decoding Women - This Weeks Tools

Cheat Sheet – Tools, Why They Work & How to Use Them

(Copy / Print and keep these somewhere you’ll actually see it – phone notes, work bag, gym bag)

1. “Where are you at, and what do you need?”

Why it works:

This question is like a backdoor key to her nervous system. It says, I see you, I’m here, I’m on your team. Most women don’t get asked this — they get told what to do, or their stress gets ignored. When she feels seen, she relaxes. When she relaxes, connection (and desire) are way more likely.

When to try it:

  • If she’s sighing, slamming drawers, or giving short answers.

  • When you can feel the vibe is “off” but you don’t know why.

  • As a daily check-in — before bed, over coffee, or when you walk in the door.

What to expect:

She may open up immediately, or she might say “I don’t know.” That’s fine. The point isn’t to solve — it’s to make space for her to feel safe.

Pro tip:

Don’t ask this like you’re ticking a box. Breathe, slow down, and mean it.

2. Task Timing

The phrase: “I’m happy to do it before bed. Is that okay?”

Why it works:

Women often ask at the wrong time (mid-footy, mid-email, mid-anything-you-care-about). You’re not ignoring her — you’re making it clear you’ll do it, just not right this second. This keeps her from feeling blown off, while giving you breathing space.

When to try it:

  • Mid-game, mid-workout, or during your “no interruption” time.

  • Anytime she asks for something and you’re genuinely in the middle of something else.

What to expect:

She’ll usually say “okay” if she feels you’re actually going to do it. But you’ve got to follow through or it’ll backfire.

Pro tip:

If you can, offer a time you know you can deliver — and then deliver. That’s how trust builds.

3. One Thing at a Time

The phrase: “One thing at a time and I’ll do it well.”

Why it works:

When she’s firing requests like a tennis ball machine, your brain overloads. Instead of shutting down or snapping, you set the pace. She still gets help, but in a way you can give it without resentment.

When to try it:

  • When she’s listing multiple jobs at once.

  • When she’s rapid-firing during a busy time.

What to expect:

She might be surprised at first — but most women would rather have one thing done properly than three half-finished.

Pro tip:

Do that one thing really well. No “half-arsing” or she’ll just feel she has to re-do it (and the mood’s gone).

4. Critical Women

The phrase: “Honey, I’m trying my best. It makes me not want to do it for us if you criticise how I do it.”

Why it works:

Sometimes she’s not trying to attack you — she’s trying to tick things off in her head. If you don’t finish a task the way she’d do it, her brain can’t “close the loop” and she feels like she has to fix it. This phrase draws a boundary without starting World War III.

When to try it:

  • If she comments how you’re doing something while you’re still doing it.

  • If she “fixes” your work afterwards and it annoys you.

What to expect:

She may explain why it matters to be done a certain way (e.g., for efficiency). Be open to hearing it — or choose to just do it her way if it’s not a big deal to you.

Pro tip:

Use “for us” — not “for you.” It reminds you both that you’re on the same team.

Extra Tips for This Week:

  • The meditation (“What She Really Needs and How to Feel It”) is your warm-up lap. Use it any time you feel yourself getting defensive, checked out, or short-tempered. It resets your energy so these tools come out naturally.

  • Don’t try all the tools at once. Pick one or two, nail them, then add more. Small wins = momentum.

  • Mean what you say. Delivery matters more than words. Calm, steady energy beats forced positivity every time.

  • Notice her response. It might be subtle at first — a softer tone, lingering touch, or more openness. That’s progress.

  • Repeat wins. If something works, do it again. She’ll start trusting the change is real.